Not That Stella Doesn't Seem Worth It

Sidney, at some point
Did you stop and think, “Maybe
I’m wasting my time”?

I Had A Dream Of The Rood Once

But instead of Christ
Jumping on the Cross, I nailed
Him up there myself.

Some Of Your Stage Directions Are Confusing, Mr. O'Neil

So I’ll just cross out
“With a detached contrition”
And write “Drunkenly.”

I Would Have Gone With "Penis," Even If It Does Sound Too Clinical

Mr. Hwang, does your
Play suggest that all Asian
Women have “weenies”?

I feel you, Walt

7/27
I can’t even count
How many times I’ve gotten
Blown by my own soul.

Has New Shit come to light, Mr. Ashberry?

7/26
I have to ask: what
In God’s holy name are you
Blathering about?

I couldn't help but notice that Sir Thomas More left something out

7/22
How do Utopians
Deal with pedophilia?
This is important.

Caliban to the Reader

7/21
Having learnt his lines,
I begin to feel Auden
Should have written less.

Still the walls do not fall, I do not know why.

7/20
Dear H.D.: I loathe
Spiritual Imagism.
Sincerely, EV.

Containing What the Reader May, Perhaps, Expect to Find in it

7/19
I hate to question
The “perfect plot,” but isn’t
Tom still a bastard?

I had trouble putting my finger on Paradise Lost

7/18
Free will man freely
Received willed freely to him
Free and free will fell.

Religion, Politics, Divorce, Childbirth

7/17
Milton could manage
To write himself into a
Tract on anything.

That's like describing a Queso Burrito to a kid starving in Africa, Spenser

7/16
Why bother telling
Us women are so hot if
They refuse to bang?

And if Errour exists, maybe there is a Faerie Queene

7/15
I’m pretty sure I
Dated a half woman, half
Serpent in college.

I think this is what Poe had in mind

7/14
“I found the letter.”
Dupont nodded. “It seems the
Queen has syphilis.”

Don't Listen to "Mean Girls"

7/13
Little known fact: Ben
Franklin also invented
The Toaster Strudel.

Ode to My Wind

7/12
Inspiration! Breath!
Can you smell that, Shelley? My
Soul: I fart at thee!

They should call it "HPV"

7/11
A break from reading:
“Harry Potter” makes me want
To bang high school chicks.

And then Ellison makes the summer worthwhile

7/10
Black and blue; become
One and yet many; I yam:
Possibility.

Sticking right out of my forehead

7/9
Reading Wycherly
Makes a part of me grow and
Harden ’gainst my will.

True, but he wouldn't sell my picture

7/8
Sheridan, I hate
Gossip, but I heard your play
Isn’t worth reading.

And I'm not sure which was worse, Mr. Farquhar

7/7
I read your play the
Same day I saw “Transformers.”
What a shitty day.

It's a Wonder Phonetic Spelling Never Caught On

7/6
My dear Mr. Shaw,
I can place you within feet
Of being a dick.

Le beau poet sans merci

7/5
O what can ail thee,
Eric? I see! Say nothing!
Keats hath thee in thrall!

For Obvious Reasons (I know I did)

7/4
I’ll bet Richardson
Tossed off more to Clarissa
Than to Pamela.

Stop Making Excuses, Thoreau

7/3
You spend so much time
Alone because ev’ryone
Thinks you’re an asshole.

And I'm pretty sure that way it's not a sin, Reverend Dimmesdale

7/2
She never would have
Gotten pregnant if you had
Fucked her in the ass.

Closing Stage Directions for "Arcadia," Revised

7/1
Two couples remain
Onstage, connected through time:
Dancing with no pants.